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Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/05/manager-husband-is-cheating-with-an-employee-asking-about-potential-cuts-during-a-job-interview-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=30971

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Manager husband is cheating with a much younger employee

A very dear friend of mine has recently learned that her husband/partner of 10 years has been cheating on her. They work together, in different departments but with some overlap, and everyone at work knew that they were married with children. Her husband is 31 years old and a manager, the affair partner is 20-21 and a junior staff member on his team. He has been scheduling them on late shifts together in order to facilitate the affair.

He has decided to continue the relationship with the affair partner rather than pursue marriage counselling or reconciliation. My friend is job searching, but in the interim her performance is suffering because she regularly has to see her estranged husband and his affair partner at work. He has told some of their coworkers about the separation but obviously has not disclosed the details, and he and the affair partner have not made their relationship public.

My friend is crushed and humiliated and is just trying to push through it, but I think her managers need to be told about the concerning nature of a manager starting a relationship with a direct report 10 years their junior, affair or not. As a manager, would you want to know the full context of this situation?

Hell yes. It’s a serious breach of ethics (and usually company policy) to have an affair with someone you supervise, and it opens the company to legal liability as well.

That said, your friend might have her own reasons for not reporting it. She might know enough about her company to know that too much of the fall-out would land on her, or she might have children and wants her ex to keep his job in order to keep financially supporting them, or all sorts of other things. You can encourage her to consider disclosing it, and you can point out that most companies would want to know and would take it seriously because of the legal liability, but in the end it should be up to her. If she doesn’t want to, it’s her call (and definitely not one you should make for her).

Related:
my manager and coworker are divorcing their spouses and secretly dating

2. My employee has terrible attendance issues … in this economy?

I have an employee with terrible ongoing attendance issues — not calling in when he’s going to be late, not calling in when he’s going to be gone all day, saying he’ll be in at noon but not showing up until 2:00, etc. I’ve clearly stated what I need from him (call in when you are going to be late/out), and I helped him take a month off for FMLA earlier this year, but the issues just continue.

My issue is, he’s Latino, he’s a second generation immigrant, he has no other job history besides this one (other than a brief stint bagging groceries in college), and if I cast him out in this political climate, appropriate as the action is, I genuinely think that would be an act of evil. Is there anything I’m missing in order to get him back on track, or do I need to bite the bullet?

Have you asked him what’s going on? On the face of it, it sounds like simple irresponsibility, but it’s possible there’s more to it — like that he’s dealing with a crisis at home or who knows what. It’s worth asking what the obstacles are to him calling in, if you haven’t already (not because it would change your need to be called, but because it might help you collaborate on solutions with him).

But ultimately you can’t be more invested in keeping him employed than he is in staying employed. You can give him the opportunity to tell you if something is going on, and you can make it clear that you cannot keep him on if this continues, so that he understands the stakes, but from there it’s really up to him. I’m sorry; it’s a rough position to be in.

3. Asking about potential cuts during a job interview

I work in a field related to science that has been impacted by the Trump administration’s recent budget cuts. As a result, my company and others in our industry have recently undergone layoffs, hiring freezes, promotional/merit raise freezes, etc. I am particularly frustrated by this as the last year I have worked towards an important promotion that is now on hold indefinitely (at least a year, in my prior experience). I’m tired of this — I’ve been held back in my career too many times to count by this very same type of broad scope “freeze” (as opposed to it being related to my work) and I’m looking for said promotion externally. But I’m of course concerned to leave behind the decade of seniority I have at my current company. I know it’s not always the case, but often when there are layoffs, it’s last one in, first one out. Any new role I take will mean I’d feel a lot less job security than I have now.

How can I broach this during a job interview? Is there a way to professionally say, “How confident are you that your company won’t undergo layoffs soon / that my role would be affected?” We all know that certain roles are considered more expendable than others; how can I try to gauge where on the spectrum a role I’m interviewing for would fall? Or is this one of those things that’s impossible to ask and you have to just take the chance?

You can ask, “How is the current federal landscape affecting the team, and what are the potential ways the federal cuts could affect this position in particular?” You can also ask, “If there are further cutbacks, what’s the likely impact to this role?” You just need to take whatever they say with a grain of salt, since they may not really know or they may have info they can’t share. But it’s worth asking, because you might get info that does reassure you in a convincing way (or, conversely, makes you think it’s too much of a risk).

4. Interviewer was surprised I left my last job at a bad time for my company

I recently had a second round interview where, in the three weeks between the first and second round, I left my last role (the situation was becoming toxic and for my own sanity I couldn’t stay). I let the interviewer know that I had left my last role in the interview because these companies do work together sometimes and I didn’t want them to feel that I was lying and misrepresenting that I still worked at my old firm.

When the interviewer asked why I had left, I said something very boring and polite (I was ready for a new opportunity to grow my skills …) The interviewer interrupted me to express that she felt the projects that my old company was working on were very important and it didn’t seem like a good time to leave. She then launched right into her questions without offering me time to respond and clarify.

What should I have done here? Did I just blow my chance at this role because I was honest? In my mind it doesn’t make a difference if I still work there or not because I was interviewing to leave my old company.

There are different ways she could have meant it. She might have meant it in a disapproving way, but it also could have been a more neutral observation — like, “oh, bad time to lose someone” without judgment of you attached to it — or, “Huh, surprising timing if it’s just because you were ready for something new” (which could have a little more judgment attached but not torpedoing-your-chances levels of judgment). She also might have just been reacting out loud without meaning much at all. Interviewers sometimes forget how much their words are scrutinized by candidates.

Because it seemed weird to you, ideally you would have raised it again later in the conversation (since she had already moved on in the moment). For example: “Before we wrap up, I wanted to say a little more about why I left my last role. You seemed surprised at the timing, but I’m confident I left them in good shape for the transition and the timing ended up making sense because of XYZ.” Since you didn’t do that at the time, the next best option would be to address it if they move you to another interview if you’re still sensing they feel weird about it (or even in a follow-up note now, if you want to).

5. Thanking a security guard who helped my family during a difficult time

Recently, a relative of mine died suddenly in her apartment. She lived alone, and sadly it was several days before she was found, along with her dog (who is doing fine). The person who discovered her was a security guard in her building; he had a warm but professionally distanced relationship with my relative and her dog. He’s been very kind and helpful through the post-death process of managing my relative’s apartment, and I get the sense that the experience of finding her in the apartment was difficult for him.

My family intends to send the security guard a heartfelt card thanking him for all he’s done and for being a kind and frequent presence in my relative’s life, but I wonder if something more substantial is warranted — a gift card, check, or donation to a favorite cause in his name (though I don’t know him well enough to speculate what a favorite cause might be, I’m sure I could ask)? Is there a done-thing etiquette for this kind of terrible but inevitable situation?

I don’t think there’s a specific etiquette, but anything you do would undoubtedly be lovely and appreciated. I might stay away from asking about a favorite cause because (a) not everyone has one and (b) there’s always the risk he could name something you really don’t want to donate to, but that’s probably me being overly persnickety and it would likely be fine if you did. I also don’t think you need to do more than the heartfelt card, but if you want to, a gift card or a check with a note saying how much you appreciate his going above and beyond during a difficult time would be very thoughtful.

I’m sorry about your family member.

The post manager husband is cheating with an employee, asking about potential cuts during a job interview, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/05/manager-husband-is-cheating-with-an-employee-asking-about-potential-cuts-during-a-job-interview-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=30971